Harsh penalties will be dealt to Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, aka, DPKR, aka North Korean fans listening to “perverse” K-pop.
Internal documents smuggled out of North Korea have revealed there is a secret anti-K-pop campaign happening under Kim Jong-un’s rule with the dictator dubbing the cultural phenomenon that was born south of his border a “vicious cancer” that is corrupting youths’ “attire, hairstyles, speeches and behaviors”.
Kim Jong-un Draws Wrath of K-pop Fans, Calling it a Vicious Cancer
The pioneer of cancel culture, Kim has created a new law, stating that being caught watching, listening to or possessing any South Korean content would result in punishment of up to 15 years hard labor. This has been upped three-fold from the previous five year sentence, apparently not enough of a deterrent for those K-Pop stans north of the border.
Those caught singing, speaking or writing in a “South Korean style” could be sentenced to two years at a work camp. We cannot imagine what would happen if one of his country men tried dancing to BTS!
Lately, South Korean slang has begun infiltrating everyday conversation in the North with women daring to refer to their boyfriends as “Oppa”. This term, similar to “Boo” has been popularized in South Korean television and is completely unacceptable to North Korean authorities. The state-mandated term of endearment is “comrade.”
Wouldn’t hearing that from your bae that just give you all the feels?
The despot hes already outlawed mullets (there are only 15 acceptable hairstyles in the country) and banned skinny jeans in an attempt to cut off “decadent” fashion trends.
Now, in order to eradicate the phenomenon of…er, fun, that is intruding on his iron-fist ruled land, Kim has ordered top officials to search computers, text messages and notebooks for South Korean vernacular. If busted adopting the “puppet accent”, the perpetrator could be banished, forced to live in the sparsely populated countryside!
The most intense part of the new laws discovered in the secret documents was the execution K-pop smugglers would face if caught, like the citizen, only know as Mr. Lee who faced a firing squad last month for selling bootleg South Korean entertainment.
Lee was executed by firing squad in front of a crowd of 500 including his family. He had been found guilty of “anti-socialist element” in accordance with the “anti-reactionary thought law.”
Who knew that George Orwell’s ‘thought police’ from the dystopian novel 1984 would become more than just fiction!
After Lee’s execution his distraught family were sent to a political prisoner camp while his neighbors wept in silence, fearing they’d be caught in the criminal act of having “compassion for a reactionary.”
Even after all this, BTS is still permeating the country, which proves what we’ve known all along, there’s just no fan that stans harder than a K-Pop fan. I just hope they stay cautious and remember, Kim has actual dynamite, and he’s not afraid to use it.
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