Ted Cruz’s dog walker sings national anthem at CPAC convention


There’s a lot to be said about the CPAC convention that happened over the weekend, like the fact that the podium was shaped in a literal symbol of hate and the fact that they brought in a literal golden statue of the former president which made us all collectively cringe.

(Also did these guys not read Exodus because I seem to remember the last people who brought in a golden idol didn’t actually fare too well but you know maybe their deity is cool with it now, I don’t know.) But the one thing that we’re going to focus on here is the fact that the CPAC convention made a surprising move when they hired Ted Cruz’s dog walker, to sing the national anthem.

Ted Cruz’s dog walker sings national anthem at CPAC convention

In spite of having two colleges within just a few minutes of this convention, colleges with actual music students, instead they chose this particular girl because she “had pageant experience”. Forgive my saying so but I think there’s a reason why this girl never ended up in Miss America or any other pageant outside of Texas.

Granted, she didn’t have a musical arrangement and it wasn’t in front of a live audience but I think we can all agree that it was quite possibly the most tone deaf performance outside of the one that followed it up. One tiktok user in particular said that there were nine different key changes in the song. I’m not a music student but I’m pretty sure a song is not supposed to have that many pitch changes over the course of one song.

One thing that people all across the political spectrum seem to agree with is, that performance was downright bad. It also kind of summed up the entire convention’s theme of trying to make a steaming pile of nothing into something that looks good and wholesome.

Ahem. Cpac could have literally gotten anyone else to do this, but the thing is I don’t think they could find anyone in time who had drank that much of the kool-aid and still remembered “the good old days” you know, back when things had a semblance of integrity and they hadn’t shown the entire world their true colors?

Even Trisha Paytas would have been better than this but I don’t think they could afford the sound guy she hires to remix her voice into something remotely palletable. I’d say I felt sorry for this girl but the only one I truly feel sorry for is Snowflake, Ted Cruz’s dog. I hope she doesn’t make a regular habit of singing on his daily walks! Stay tuned!!!

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CPACTed CruzTrisha PaytasUS News
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